Star light, star bright...
Jan. 19th, 2007 11:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drewbearI'm feeling creative again, for some unknown and appreciated reason, and have started work on something new. I can't yet tell exactly what this is going to turn into, but I think that it's going to be science fiction/horror. If you're interested in seeing the child of my fevered mind, feel free to
Frank had always loved the stars. Ever since he was a kid, he had loved to just lie down in the backyard and bask in the starlight. He would count them and give them private, secret names and constellations, holding his joy in them close to his heart.
As he grew, his love only grew and he learned as much about them as he could: first their official designations and the constellations they fit into, then, with the succession of telescopes his parents bought for him, their spectrums and colors, hidden behind the white that was all most people could see.
It came as no surprise to any who knew him that he decided to major in astronomy once he left home for college. He quickly excelled, absorbing all the mathematics and physics that lay within the stars while resentfully slogging through the distracting and unnecessary classes that he was required to take, like literature and history. He made a few friends among his fellow classmates who would join him in weekend camping trips where they would hike and talk and enjoy the wilderness during the day and then set up their telescopes to take advantage of the less light-drowned night skies to see the glory of the heavens more clearly.
During Spring Break of his senior year, Frank and a couple of friends decided to take a week-long trip into the nearby mountains, staying at the cabin of one friend’s family. The moon was waxing full, which would wash the night with light, but by now they were all experienced in compensating for such distractions.
When Spring Break ended and none of them had yet returned, there were some mild rumors and speculations among their classmates, but most either didn’t notice, didn’t care or simply dismissed the absences as a result of some massive hangover. When the campers had still not returned by the second week of classes, their roommates grew concerned and voiced their worries to the university administration and the police.
When the authorities finally drove up to the cabin to begin their search, they found all the missing. One was dead of exposure, curled on the cold ground just outside the door. The other two were laying inside, slumped and catatonic, staring out at the sky with unfixed eyes, starving and almost dead of dehydration.
In the hurry to get the survivors to the hospital, no-one noticed that the lens of all three telescopes were broken, with crazy-cracks spread like a web across each one.
This is only the prelude to the main story, I think, and it's most definitely the first draft. So please, I invite and welcome your criticism, that I may improve it.
Frank had always loved the stars. Ever since he was a kid, he had loved to just lie down in the backyard and bask in the starlight. He would count them and give them private, secret names and constellations, holding his joy in them close to his heart.
As he grew, his love only grew and he learned as much about them as he could: first their official designations and the constellations they fit into, then, with the succession of telescopes his parents bought for him, their spectrums and colors, hidden behind the white that was all most people could see.
It came as no surprise to any who knew him that he decided to major in astronomy once he left home for college. He quickly excelled, absorbing all the mathematics and physics that lay within the stars while resentfully slogging through the distracting and unnecessary classes that he was required to take, like literature and history. He made a few friends among his fellow classmates who would join him in weekend camping trips where they would hike and talk and enjoy the wilderness during the day and then set up their telescopes to take advantage of the less light-drowned night skies to see the glory of the heavens more clearly.
During Spring Break of his senior year, Frank and a couple of friends decided to take a week-long trip into the nearby mountains, staying at the cabin of one friend’s family. The moon was waxing full, which would wash the night with light, but by now they were all experienced in compensating for such distractions.
When Spring Break ended and none of them had yet returned, there were some mild rumors and speculations among their classmates, but most either didn’t notice, didn’t care or simply dismissed the absences as a result of some massive hangover. When the campers had still not returned by the second week of classes, their roommates grew concerned and voiced their worries to the university administration and the police.
When the authorities finally drove up to the cabin to begin their search, they found all the missing. One was dead of exposure, curled on the cold ground just outside the door. The other two were laying inside, slumped and catatonic, staring out at the sky with unfixed eyes, starving and almost dead of dehydration.
In the hurry to get the survivors to the hospital, no-one noticed that the lens of all three telescopes were broken, with crazy-cracks spread like a web across each one.
This is only the prelude to the main story, I think, and it's most definitely the first draft. So please, I invite and welcome your criticism, that I may improve it.
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no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 09:11 pm (UTC)Is there anything in particular that you liked? Anything that you feel could use some work or re-writing?
no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 09:29 pm (UTC)But even then, I've always been hesitant to critique other's works as even though I have obvious opinions on what's good and bad, it'd have to be exceptionally bad for me to want changes made. Otherwise, I think authors should be able to do what they want with their stories as long as it's explainable.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 09:10 pm (UTC)Hmm... maybe I'll make one of the friends an old friend from home so that they have some history together and I can share his and Frank's backstory.