(no subject)

Well, I'm working this afternoon because Sara has to take care of some surprise complications to the wedding this Saturday. I really don't want to; I wanted to have my birthday all to myself, but as soon as I found out that the wedding was 4 days after my birthday, I knew that that was unlikely.

::sigh::

Frankly, all I've really ever wanted for my birthday was a surprise party or something like it; something that could finally prove to me that I've got a lot of friends who love me and want to help me celebrate. I'm tired of having "small, intimate" birthdays because my family are the only people who could be bothered to show up. It's not even so much about the party, it's about the symbolism. I've never really had very many friends because of my depression and social awkwardness and the resultant crushing, desperate loneliness. I just want a sign that I've made it past that part of my life, y'know?

And yes, I know that I have a lot of friends here on LJ, and I know that you all care about me to one degree or another, but it doesn't really help with the symbolic side of it.

...Shitshitshit. I just made myself start crying. Dammit! I shouldn't feel bad about my birthday! shitdfamnfusckcraphell!!!

EDIT: I'm sorry, guys. I'm not trolling for sympathy, honestly. I just get like this a little every year and I'm used to it, but this year the wedding is making it somewhat worse. I appreciate your thoughts.

(no subject)

Okay, I went out and did some grocery shopping, got a refill on my meds, dropped off the keys at the leasing office for the new roommate to pick up later and I'm feeling somewhat better. I'll be okay again by this evening. It's just that my past birthdays, especially my 21st, have always been linked pretty tightly with disappointment and loneliness and while it's better nowadays, those feelings are temporarily revived.

AAAAnyway, thank you to all of you who've wished my a happy birthday. I appreciate your good wishes and am glad that I have you as friends.

(no subject)

And in what is probably the last of my birthday updates, I have to report that the bad sad mad mood is gone. After running all my errands this morning, I went to lunch with my mom and dad at Souper Salad, which was very good. My mom got me THREE psuedo-risque cards with a man-loving theme, just because she couldn't choose just one. It's very, very odd to have your mother (your MOTHER) do that.

Anywho, familial present disbursement was at the office right after lunch (with the wedding, there's no time for anything else at the moment) and I got a nice set of bamboo placemats, some DVDs (What Dreams May Come, To Wong Foo: Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar and Mystery Men) and 2 Monty Python computer games. I'm prolly gonna load one up tonight or tomorrow and give it a test run. :-)

Work was, well, work. Nothing special to report except that I had a nice discussion of Footfall with a lesbian patient to whom I had lent my copy. We agreed that it was well written with nice descriptiveness and a well-thought-out plot, but that it ended too abruptly.

Also? disgruntledgrrl called and talked for a bit. It was nice to hear from her, although I always fins it a little strange the first time I actually HEAR someone I've only interacted with online.

And now I wait for my roommate to show up, after which I'm heading over to the parents' house to watch The Incredibles on their DVD player since mine is crap. Sorry, trollprincess, I'm taping TAR tonight for viewing tomorrow.

Enjoy your night, all!