(no subject)
Nov. 7th, 2003 02:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drewbearI'm a fool and a coward.
There's one of our patient's who came in this week that I think is attractive, and I'm 99% sure he's gay. My dad thinks I should ask him out. Dad *really* thinks I should ask him out. He bugged me for 3 days about it until I snapped at him to basically shut the hell up and get out of my private life.
So why don't I just call that guy and invite him to a movie? 'Cause I'm a fool and a coward. I'm bad at this. I'm very, *VERY* bad at this. I either don't pick up on or misinterpret signals. I get nervous and flustered. And I horribly embarrass myself. In every previous "first-time" type of encounter I've had, I've fucked it up royally because I just. don't. understand. what's. happening!
I know that I'm afraid of rejection, and have therefore avoided pretty much any situation where I could be. And this is a major, if the *THE* reason why I'm alone and likely to remain so.
I think I could like this guy, and I know that I should call him. I also know that I probably won't. And so the vicious cycle continues.
Fuck, but I hate self-pity.
There's one of our patient's who came in this week that I think is attractive, and I'm 99% sure he's gay. My dad thinks I should ask him out. Dad *really* thinks I should ask him out. He bugged me for 3 days about it until I snapped at him to basically shut the hell up and get out of my private life.
So why don't I just call that guy and invite him to a movie? 'Cause I'm a fool and a coward. I'm bad at this. I'm very, *VERY* bad at this. I either don't pick up on or misinterpret signals. I get nervous and flustered. And I horribly embarrass myself. In every previous "first-time" type of encounter I've had, I've fucked it up royally because I just. don't. understand. what's. happening!
I know that I'm afraid of rejection, and have therefore avoided pretty much any situation where I could be. And this is a major, if the *THE* reason why I'm alone and likely to remain so.
I think I could like this guy, and I know that I should call him. I also know that I probably won't. And so the vicious cycle continues.
Fuck, but I hate self-pity.
