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Mar. 8th, 2004 08:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drewbearI spent a good part of the day trying to find a psychiatrist in the area. Is it really too much to ask for one whose staff answers the phones during business hours? I called about 15 different places, ranging from single to 5-doctor practices, and only 2 answered their phones. And neither of them had any availabilities until April.
In case you didn't know, depression runs pretty strongly through my mother's family, and I suffer from a form of bipolar disorder. I'm currently suffering from a fairly extreme down-phase, and I'd probably be thinking seriously about suicide if I hadn't beaten that option out of my psyche years ago. It's fairly clear (to me at least) that my problem is neurochemical in nature, with the more obvious psychological issues being magnified or outright created by my depression, rather than vice-versa. I've exhibited symptoms of depression for more than a decade now, and have managed to somewhat control it this long by sheer force of will, but it's gotten to the point where I can't hold it in check any longer. When I miss a month of classes because it takes too much energy to care, when I find myself absently entertaining post-apocalyptic fantasies with themes of loneliness and solitude, when I totally focus on simple, inconsequential things as a way of maintaining a semblance of control over myself; this is when I've lost the battle.
So now I'm trying to find bigger guns, and the weapon dealers won't pick up their goddamn phones.
In case you didn't know, depression runs pretty strongly through my mother's family, and I suffer from a form of bipolar disorder. I'm currently suffering from a fairly extreme down-phase, and I'd probably be thinking seriously about suicide if I hadn't beaten that option out of my psyche years ago. It's fairly clear (to me at least) that my problem is neurochemical in nature, with the more obvious psychological issues being magnified or outright created by my depression, rather than vice-versa. I've exhibited symptoms of depression for more than a decade now, and have managed to somewhat control it this long by sheer force of will, but it's gotten to the point where I can't hold it in check any longer. When I miss a month of classes because it takes too much energy to care, when I find myself absently entertaining post-apocalyptic fantasies with themes of loneliness and solitude, when I totally focus on simple, inconsequential things as a way of maintaining a semblance of control over myself; this is when I've lost the battle.
So now I'm trying to find bigger guns, and the weapon dealers won't pick up their goddamn phones.
