drewbear: (Drew comtemplative)
drewbear ([personal profile] drewbear) wrote2008-05-03 09:21 pm
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Sense of foreboding...

First off, let me say that I know I have a good life. I'm in generally good health, I'm gainfully employed and earning enough to live on, my debts and loans are small and getting smaller. I have a home, a car, a computer and good friends. While there is room for improvement, my life is pretty good.

That being said, I've had a vague sense of foreboding for the last 8-9 months or so. It feels like something very big and very bad is going to happen and relatively soon. I don't know what this "something" is, but it's been slowly impinging on my dreams and subtly affecting how I interact with the world. And it's getting stronger.

I've always been a fan of the (post-)apocalyptic genre, but lately it seems to be the only kind of fiction that can hold my attention past the first chapter or so. I've begun looking into what I would need to do for a food/herb garden for my porch (answer: moot point. I don't get nearly as much sun as most food plants would need). I'm researching camping and survivalist equipment, trying to find stuff that I can afford that also doesn't suck. I'm socking away money into my savings accounts whenever and however I can, not because I feel strongly about building a nest egg or I'm saving up to buy something big (I could use what I already have saved to immediately clear one debt and seriously damage another), but rather because I have the sense that it's going to be a really, REALLY good idea to have a semi-decent emergency fund available sometime in the near future.

What kinda scares me is that, by observing and talking with people, it seems like I'm not the only one who feels this way. At least 1/3 of the people I glancingly mention this topic to are themselves worried about it and most are also preparing for some unknown, worrisome disaster. Planting or expanding edible gardens, stocking up on medicines, stocking up on essential yet one-shot goods, stocking up on dry goods, stocking up on emergency gear out-of-season, stocking up on guns and ammunition. The daughter of one of my coworkers is, according to said coworker, prone to occasional highly-accurate precognizant dreams and has been having nightmares regarding a similar looming disaster.

I'm certain that at least part of this is a subconscious reaction to the current depressing and stressful American situation, but so much of people's reactions is focused on preparing for an IMMINENT danger with long-term consequences that it's kind of hard to totally dismiss it as a stress-reaction. Also, until I bring it to their attention, so many of the people I talk with seem to think that they're the only ones who feel like this; they don't initiate discussions about it and seem reluctant to talk about it for some ill-defined fear of being labeled paranoid or crackpots. But once that barrier has been passed, they're eager to share their preparation plans and tips, acting slightly relieved that they're not alone.

I'm worried. And I'm making contingency plans.

[identity profile] valarltd.livejournal.com 2008-05-04 03:34 am (UTC)(link)
It's not just you.

One of the ladies in the local coven is actively laying plans for a stronghold. She's recruited me, because they'll need a driver for scavenging after the worst is over.
She's already said stock up. Get a gun, get a bow, get a sword. Learn to use them. Get a mercy knife. You'll need it.

I've had the same sense, and I've been starving all the time lately, like my body is trying to eat in abundance, so I have fuel to get through the bad times.

[identity profile] drewbeartx.livejournal.com 2008-05-07 10:32 pm (UTC)(link)
I've actually been considering getting a firearm, but I can't afford one. I do know how to use a bow, but it's been long enough that I'm rusty.

I've been hungry a lot lately too, but I think that's more stress reaction than Operation: Impending Doom 2.

[identity profile] bearcubict25.livejournal.com 2008-05-04 11:52 pm (UTC)(link)
your not nuts, and i don't think anyone else is for feeling this way. I've had this feeling sence I was 25, I'm now 29. I know something is comming and i'm not sure of what it is, but I know it will change my life. i have the feeling it will happen close to my 30th b-day in Oct. I seem to be getting into a deeper funk then I normaly get into, and I'm loosing my sex drive. Not normal for me at all.

[identity profile] drewbeartx.livejournal.com 2008-05-07 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Strangely, my sex drive has gone up, which is quite distracting.

I haven't had the sense of foreboding for nearly that long, but it worries me. It's almost like how I think the millenarians felt right before 2000, but without the expectation of ascension into Heaven.
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] drewbeartx.livejournal.com 2008-05-07 10:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, I'm right there with you with regards to the non-immediate future. Admittedly, it's insanely difficult to predict long-term, since new technologies and social mores evolve and affect cultures so quickly these days, but I can't see the current low-grade but constant threat of terrorism going away anytime soon. If anything, technological progress will only worsen that problem, since honestly? Every major technological breakthrough has wartime applications. Those applications aren't necessarily major or even likely themselves, but they're there. And fanatics bent on destruction in the name of whatever cause will find those applications.

While I don't know about World Annihilation

[identity profile] disgruntledgrrl.livejournal.com 2008-05-05 10:32 pm (UTC)(link)
I think you might want to call yer parents as your father called us Thursday to quickly change Kevin's appt to later in the day because he was taking your mom to the hospital Friday morning.

Re: While I don't know about World Annihilation

[identity profile] drewbeartx.livejournal.com 2008-05-07 10:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for the notice. Everything isn't necessarily great, but it's not bad.