(no subject)

[drewbear]

My antidepressant is a godsend and I'm sure that without it, I'd be completely non-functional by now. But the problem is that now I'm terrified of being sad or in a down mood. I know that almost everyone just has "off" days when they're generally down, but now, when it happens to me, I'm terrified that it means that my meds are losing their effectiveness. I hate it. I want to cry for no reason and that terrifies me and I hate that I'm so afraid.

::bitter laugh::

Even when I'm "cured", my depression as a stranglehold on me.

Comments

[blufiction.livejournal.com]

I'm not on any medication and never have been and every now and then I have rough days where tears seem only a blink away. I think everyone has them. Particularly when there is stress in many areas of life (i.e. looking for new job, looking for new place, looking for new friends ... whatever). Some of that feeling is normal.

[drewbeartx.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the support. The thing is, intellectually I know that this is (probably) normal, but emotionally it scares the crap outta me. Especially since my new baseline (which I assume is the normal feeling for most people) feels a lot like my hypermanic stages, but muted.

In short, my experience dealing with long-term nuerochemically-induced depression has led me to overanalyze my moods and monitor them almost constantly in an attempt to "catch" a depressive episode before it gets too bad. Even though I don't need to do that anymore, the habit remains strong. ::sigh::